Enter the Mindbender
by Chuckling-Ghost
Summary: Add together 4 Warring Nations, 1 ReluctantAvatar (Aang), 1 AspiringSupervillain and HornyMinion (Katara&Sokka), 1 FirebendingPsychic (Syoshi), 1 BanishedPrince (Zuko) and 1 RetiredBadass (Iroh): Result? Uncertainty whether this is a seriously cracked-fic, or fic-so-cracked-it's-serious. A story where what's between the lines is spelled out for easy reading. Let the insanity begin!
1. Chapter 1

_**First thing's first, this is a major crack fic parody with mature humor and a serious story between the humor. So enjoy for the humor, enjoy for the story, and please no flames. The Fire Nation's got that covered.**_

 _ **All characters except for Yue (because her age actually was/is a valid plot point) have been aged up 2 years, and Azula is now Zuko's twin (they are both 18).**_

 _ **Key:**_

"This is what they're saying."

(This is what they actually mean)

 _This is what they're thinking._

 _*Extraneous sound effects look like this*_

 _ **This is what my author notes look like, these will only show up at the beginning and end of the chapters.**_

…

 _ **Let's get this insanity started.**_

 _ **Chapter 1 – The Boy In The Iceberg**_

==Somewhere Near The South Pole== __

 _Maybe if I lean far enough over the side of the boat trying to spear a fish, the boat'll capsize, I'll fall in, get soaked, freeze to death or maybe even drown and be reincarnated somewhere with lots of really hot girls instead of just my sister! Katara's a water bender, she'll be fine._ Sokka leaned over the side of the canoe, spear in hand and brilliant plan in mind waiting for a fish to swim up close to the surface so that if Katara were paying attention she'd believe it had been an honest mistake, "It's not getting away from me this time. Watch and learn Katara, this is how you catch a fish."

 _Oh look, he's trying to commit suicide again. Maybe some water bending will snap him out of it…_ Katara took off her glove and aimed it at the water before doing a little arm dance to pull a fish out of the water, "Sokka look! (Stop it Minion #1, I don't want to row all the way back)".

"Shhh! Katara, you're gonna scare it away! Mmm…I can already smell it cookin'… (please-please-please just a moment more and I'm out of this frozen hell! Babes and all the meat I can eat here I come!)" "But Sokka, I caught one! (Not today Minion #1, not today)" Katara moved the water she had bent over Sokka's head just as he was raising up his spear to make his desperate lunge for freedom. *Sploosh* The water lost its shape and drenched Sokka who squawked in outrage as Katara made an indignant noise to hide the fact that she was onto him and had done it on purpose.

Sokka sat up and rounded on Katara glaring furiously, "Why is it, that every time, you play with magic water, _I_ get soaked?! (Dammit woman I was so close!)" Katara met his glare with a mildly irritated gaze and an exasperated sigh, "It's not magic, it's water bending. It's a- (You needed it Minion #1)"

Sokka turned back around and wrung out his wolf-tail, "Yeah yeah I know, an ancient art unique to our culture, blah blah blah, look, I'm just saying, that if I had weird powers, I'd keep my weirdness to myself. (Stupid supervillain wannabe, why can't you stop being cool and attractive for five minutes?!)"

"You're calling me weird?" Katara asked skeptically, "I'm not the one who makes muscles at myself every time I see my reflection in the water. (Pull yourself together Minion #1 and don't talk back to me.)"

Before Sokka could come up with a good response, the canoe lurched. Sokka and Katara's attention snapped to their surroundings as their little canoe was caught in a rapid current through a treacherous ice field. Sokka tried desperately to steer them clear of the ice floe with Katara yelling helpful things like, "Watch out!" and "Go left! Go left!" Their efforts were for naught and in mere moments their canoe had been crushed between three massive chunks of ice. Luckily for them they were catapulted from the canoe by the impact and landed safely on one of the ice chunks that had crushed their canoe.

They sat up and looked around. "You call that left? (I am very disappointed in you Minion #1)" Katara asked dryly. "You don't like my steering? (I was doing the best I could!)" Sokka replied, "Well maybe you should have _water bended_ us out of the ice. (You're supposed to be able to control this crap, so this is every bit as much your fault as mine!)"

Katara stood up indignantly, "So it's my fault?! (Excuse the hell out of me?! You want to run that by me again Minion #1?!)" Sokka sighed agitatedly, "I _knew_ I should have left you at home. Leave it to a girl to screw things up. (Come on, come on, it's not too late! I can still drown today!)"

Katara's face started twitching as Sokka's blatant desire to send her into a murderous rage flew right over her head and his words had their intended effect. In a matter of seconds she was ranting with extensive angry arm movements that set the water around them shaking, "You are the most sexist, immature nut-brained…! I'm embarrassed to be related to you! (Oh you are in for it now Minion! I will _so_ demote you to number two the first chance I get! You can be replaced very easily Minion! Don't you dare forget who's in charge!)"

She was so angry she didn't even notice the massive iceberg behind her beginning to crack, or Sokka's genuinely frightened expression as he tried to point it out to her "Ever since Mom died, I've been doing all the work around camp while you were off playing soldier! I even wash all the clothes! Have you ever smelled your dirty socks? Let me tell you, NOT PLEASANT! No, that's it! I'm done helping you! From now on, you're on your _own!_ (I have been an _extremely_ generous evil overlord to you, and this is how you repay me?! Backtalk?! That's it! You're fired! I will replace you with a freaking penguin and feed your entrails to a pack of tiger-seals!)"

With one last particularly angry wave of her arms, the iceberg behind her reached its limit and began to crumble with a series of explosive cracks. Katara looked over her shoulder in horror as the ice came crashing down.

Amazingly none of it hit them, instead a large wave simply shoved their little ice raft away. Sokka held on with one arm and held Katara on the raft with the other as the ice bucked beneath them. When it finally settled, Sokka moved his arm and looked at the spot where the iceberg had been, "Ok, you've gone from weird, to _freakish_ Katara. (Keep that up and I might start taking you seriously as a supervillain)" "You mean _I_ did that?" Katara asked in wonder, then as Sokka confirmed that she had and told her congratulations she thought, _SCORE! Hell yeah! I'm awesome!_

Then the water started glowing. A moment later Sokka and Katara stared at the massive dome of ice that had erupted from beneath the water, and the two narrowly discernable figures trapped in the center of it. _That would make an awesome evil lair,_ Katara thought.

Then the smaller figure opened its eyes and she thought, _Oh hell yes I get a crazy immortal spirit minion!_ "He's alive! Come on! We've gotta help! (NEW MINION TIME!)" She grabbed Sokka's club off his back and bounced across the ice to the massive dome, cheerfully ignoring Sokka's protests. In three swings she had shattered the massive dome. The dome promptly exploded and shot a massive beam of light into the sky and clean out of sight.

==Many Miles Away==

Zuko stared in shock at the massive beacon as it burned brightly for all the world to see, "Finally." He spun, "Uncle, do you realize what this means?! (I found him! I found him! I found him!)" "I won't get to finish my game? (Do I look like I care?)" Iroh asked. "It means my search, it's about to come to an end! (I don't care if you care, I'm exicted!)" Zuko replied. As Iroh sighed he pointed at the light just as it was flickering out, "That light came from an incredibly powerful source! It has to be him!"

"Oh it's just the celestial lights," Iroh declared dismissively, "We've been down this road before Prince Zuko. I don't want you to get too excited over nothing. Please sit, why don't you have a cup of calming jasmine tea? (Calm down skippy, you're insufferable when you get like this. Drink this, it'll make you tolerable again.)" "I don't need any calming tea!" Zuko half-yelled, "I need to capture the Avatar! Helmsman! Set a course for the light!"

==Meanwhile==

Sokka and Katara unfurled themselves from where they had been huddled together to shelter themselves from the massive power before them. Then a bald figure with glowing eyes and a glowing arrow on its head appeared over the top of what had been the dome, looking around before looking down at them and collapsing.

Katara sprang forward and caught him, quickly realizing him to be just a boy, _No! Don't die on me my new minion! We still have to take over the world!_ Sokka poked the boy in the head with the butt of his spear. Katara waved him away, "Stop it! (Down Minion, I've got it under control)"

She set his head against the base of the shattered dome. Aang came to thinking, _Aw man Bumi, what the hell did you talk me into this time?! And why do I have a…_ he opened his eyes and saw Katara's face a few inches from his, _well that explains the boner._ "Please," he said in a whisper, "I need to ask you something…" "What?" Katara asked. "Please…come closer…" Aang whispered. Katara leaned in and Aang's eyes snapped open as a smile spread across his face, "Will you go penguin sledding with me? (Wanna screw?)" Katara sat back, "Uh…sure, I guess?"

Aang bent a cushion of air under himself to push him to his feet, causing Sokka to leap back with a squawk of surprise. Aang looked around trying to decide which end of the world he was at, "What's going on here? (Man, Bumi…I don't know what we did, but ho-ly _shit_ …)" "You tell us!" Sokka demanded. He pointed at the remains of the ice dome, "How did you get in the ice?! And why aren't you frozen?" he gently poked Aang with the tip of his spear.

Aang waved the spear aside as he examined the ice, "I'm not sure. (Tryin' to figure that out myself dude)" Then they heard a massive groan from inside the remains of the dome and Aang's eyes widened as he suddenly scrambled up the side of the dome. He bounced off once he got to the top, "Appa! Are you okay? (Oh thank the spirits I've still got my ride home!)" He leaned down and lifted one of Appa's eyelids, "Wake up buddy! (Come on Appa, don't tell me you're still zonked on whatever Bumi gave us!)"

Appa ignored him so he slid down and started trying to open the bison's mouth. Appa woke up and licked him just as Sokka and Katara were coming around the corner. Sokka squawked in surprise as Aang laughed, "You're okay! (Yes! Ride home is a go! Escape bison still works!)"

"What is that thing?" Sokka asked as he and Katara came closer. Aang patted Appa's nose, "This is Appa, my flying bison. (My best friend who gets me out of the trouble my other best friend gets me into)" Sokka nodded and gestured to Katara, "Aaand this is Katara, my flying sister. (Cool. Meet out resident supervillain. I'm sure she's very interested.)"

Before anyone could say anything, Appa rumbled. Aang's eyes widened and he ducked just in time. Appa sneezed explosively and Sokka was promptly covered in lime green bison snot. Sokka promptly began freaking out and trying to get it off. Katara, who had stepped behind him to avoid the snot shot, smiled at him, _Good work Minion. Excellent meat shield. Maybe I won't demote you after all._

"Don't worry, it'll wash out," Aang said with a smile, _Ahhh, that explains what we were doing. Appa only sneezes green slime when he eats Nickelo beans. Those must have been some wicked ass beans for us to wind up all the way out here!_ Katara tried not to laugh as Sokka pulled the viscous green slime off his face with disgust.

"So do you guys live around here? (Can someone please tell me how to get home?)" Aang asked with a smile. He suddenly found Sokka's spear in his face, "Don't answer that! Did you see that crazy bolt of light? He was probably trying to signal the Fire Navy! (I may be a suicidal minion, but I'm a very good one. Are you a threat to my evil-boss/sister?)"

Katara stepped between them and waved Sokka's spear aside, "Oh yeah, I'm sure he's a spy for the Fire Navy. You can tell by that evil look in his eye. (Stand down Minion #1, I want to recruit this one)" Aang promptly smiled his best innocent idiot grin as he misinterpreted her intentions.

Katara gestured to Sokka, "The paranoid one is my brother Sokka. You never told us your name. (This is my chief minion. First question on the Evil Minion Interview is what's your name.)" Aang smiled and started to reply, "I'm Ah-ah-ahhh…ACHOO!" *BOOM* Aang was blasted into the air by the force of his sneeze. A moment later he slid down the sloping interior wall of the former dome like nothing had happened. "I'm Aang," he declared as he skidded to a stop.

Sokka and Katara gaped at him. Sokka pointed at the sky, "You just sneezed! And flew ten feet in the air! (That was awesome!)" Aang looked up, "Really? It felt higher than that. (Yeah, I know.)" Katara gasped, "You're an air bender!" Aang nodded, "Sure am. (What was your first clue?)"

Sokka gestured to the world, "Giant light beams, air benders, flying bison, I think I've got midnight sun madness. I'm goin home to where stuff makes sense. (Well, goodbye minion of the month…no way I'm getting it this time…)" He walked to the edge of the iceberg and then remembered that he didn't have a way home.

"Well if you guys are stuck, Appa and I can give you a lift," Aang offered. He spun and air bended himself onto Appa's head. "We'd love a ride! Thanks!" Katara declared excitedly as she ran to climb up. "Oh no," Sokka declared, "There is no way I am getting on that fluffy snot monster. (Man that thing sneezed on me!)" "Oh, are you hoping some _other_ kind of monster will come along to give you a ride home? You know, before you freeze to death? (Get over it and get on Minion #1)" Katara snarked. Sokka thought about protesting and then thought better of it.

A moment later he was seated next to Katara on Appa's saddle. Aang looked over his shoulder as he took the reins, "Ok, first time fliers, hold on tight! Appa, yip yip! (Prepare to be amazed!)" Appa rumbled and sprang into the air, only to splash down into the water. Katara scrabbled forward towards the front of the saddle, _This isn't flying! You had better not be pulling my leg little man! I want a flying pet monster!_ "Wooow…" Sokka said sarcastically as Aang internally swore and cursed those Nickelo beans, "That was truly amazing."

Katara shot him a glare over her shoulder _Don't rub it in!_ and Aang quickly tried to cover for Appa, "Appa's just tired. A little rest and he'll be soaring through the sky! You'll see." Katara's doubts assuaged, she turned to go back to her seat before she noticed Aang looking at her, "Why are you smiling at me like that?" Aang blinked, "I was smiling? (Dammit I got no game this morning!)" Sokka made a disgusted noise from the back.

==Later, Zuko's Ship==

"I'm going to bed now," Iroh declared with an exaggerated yawn. Zuko ignored him so he continued, "Yep, a man needs his rest. Prince Zuko, you need some sleep. Even if you're right, and the Avatar _is_ alive, you won't find him. Your father, grandfather, and great grandfather all tried and failed!" "Because their honor, didn't hinge on the Avatar's capture," Zuko replied, "Mine does. This coward's hundred years in hiding are over. (Not a chance. You go on. I'm too wired right now to even think about sleeping.)"

==Back on Appa==

Katara crawled to the front as a thought occurred to her, "Hey." "Hey," Aang replied, "Whatcha thinkin about?" "I was just wondering," Katara said, "You being an air bender and all, if you had any idea what happened to the Avatar." Aang's eyes widened as the circumstances leading up to his frozen slumber rushed back to him and he quickly tried to cover it up, "Uh no…I didn't know him. I knew people that knew him, but I didn't. Sorry. (It's not me! It's not me! Please for the love of Nickelo beans don't make me be responsible!)" "Ok," Katara said, "Just curious. Good night!"

She went back to the middle of the saddle and Aang rolled over, _SHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT!_

==The Next Morning==

Aang woke up with a gasp and as Katara shook him awake, "Aang, wake up! We're in the village now. (No more sleeping Minion, I want to show you off to the peasants and flaunt you in the face of the master of all villainy.)" Aang sat up and realized he was shirtless. He found his shirt next to him and pulled it on. Katara got impatient quickly and pulled him out of the tent as he got his shirt on.

Katara gestured grandly, "Aang, this is the entire village. Entire village, Aang. (Behold my peasants new Minion!)" Aang bowed politely and a few of the women pulled their young daughters away. Aang blinked, usually people didn't have that reaction until _after_ they knew who he was, "Why are they all looking at me like that? Did Appa sneeze on me?"

Katara and Sokka's grandmother stepped forward, "Well no one has seen an air bender in a hundred years. We thought they were extinct, until my granddaughter and grandson found you." "Extinct?" Aang asked in confusion. "Aang," Katara said, "This is my grandmother. (Minion, meet the Master of All Villainy)" "Call me Gran-gran, (I'm in charge around here and don't you forget it)" Gran-gran said.

Sokka walked up and grabbed Aang's staff, "What is this a weapon? You can't stab anything with this! (If you're going to be a minion, at least be properly equipped man!)" Aang chuckled as he created a vacuum and pulled the staff out of Sokka's loose grip and back to his own, "It's not for stabbing, it's for air bending. (Watch, be amazed and gimme my staff back)"

Aang whirled his staff and revealed its glider wings, startling Sokka into springing back as one of the little girls smiled, "Magic trick! Do it again!" "Not magic, air bending," Aang explained, "It lets me control the air currents around my glider and fly."

"You know," Sokka declared dryly, "Last time I checked, humans. can't. fly!" Aang grinned, "Check again! (Prepare to be served oh ice-country bumpkin)" He quickly moved his glider into position and leapt into the air, easily flying through some aerial acrobatics to the amazement of all present. He was feeling quite smug until he crashed into a tower of snow and fell to the ground, much of the snow falling with him.

Katara and the little kids in the group ran over, "That was amazing! (You _so_ pass the Minion test!)" Katara declared as Sokka stared in horror at his badly damaged watch tower. Katara helped Aang up, Sokka ran to keep his watch tower from collapsing, and Aang whirled his staff, subtly dropping even more snow from the watch tower on Sokka's head. Sokka sat up out of the snow, "Great. You're an air bender, Katara's a water bender, together you can just waste time allll day long. (Great, now Katara's got a minion that has powers like her. This is not going to be fun.)"

"You're a waterbender?!" Aang asked excitedly. "Well, sort of, not yet," Katara said modestly while she was really thinking, _You bet your tattooed ass I am! Who did you think got you out of that ice from the bottom of the ocean?_

Before the conversation could go any further, Gran-gran came over, "Alright, no more playing, come on Katara. You have chores. (New bending minion or not, I'm still in charge here Shrimp.)"

"I told you Gran-gran, he's the real thing!" Katara said excitedly, "I finally found a bender to teach me! (I got another minion! And this one's got powers like me! And a giant bison that might be able to fly! World domination here I come!)" Gran-gran looked at her, "Katara, try not to put all your hopes in this boy. (Get over yourself Shrimp, you'll never surpass my taking over an entire tribe)"

"But he's special! I can tell! (I will too ya old bat! Just look at my minion!)" Katara protested, "I can sense he is filled with much wisdom! (That's grade-A minion material right there!)"

"No," a voice declared from the fire pit, "That is called wishful thinking." Everyone whirled to look at the source of the new voice. It was a man, wearing a beat up hooded brown cloak over tattered pants and a ragged shirt. He had bandages wrapped around his hands and fingers all the way up to his arms, and similar bandages around his feet. The most noticeable thing about him though was the white mask with the disturbing smile that obscured his whole face.

He waved, "Sorry for not introducing myself when I came in, but you were all busy gawking at the air bender. My name is Syoshi. I've been wandering around this frozen wasteland for a while now and the giant bolt of light led me closer. I do hope you'll forgive my intrusion; my feet were freezing." Then he lifted his feet out of the fire and flexed his toes at them, "I'm actually starting to get some of the feeling back."

Sokka rushed over as Syoshi put his feet back into the low flames, "Who are you? Who sent you? Why are you here? Are you with the Fire Navy? (Are you here to kill me?)"

Syoshi looked at him, "My name is Syoshi, nobody sent me I was shipwrecked on the ice over a week ago, I'm here to try to thaw my feet out before they turn to ice and break off and see if maybe you have some food to spare a hungry wanderer, and no, just because I'm a fire bender does _not_ mean that I am automatically with the Fire Navy."

Sokka sprang back and everyone took a step back, on the verge of taking flight in a panic. "G-get out of our village! (I don't care if you kill me but leave everyone else alone!)" Sokka yelled as he put his club between him and Syoshi defensively. Syoshi just looked at him. The silence dragged on for a few moments and when Syoshi was clearly not going anywhere Sokka started to get angry, "I mean it! Get out or I'll throw you out! (Come on! Do something already!)"

Syoshi chuckled, "Oh? You must be quite a powerful water bender then. Although given the conversation I heard a moment ago, I'd say you're not. Even if you are, then you are probably woefully undertrained like Katara. _I_ on the other hand am one of the strongest fire benders in the world. Trust me Sokka, if I meant you any harm, I would've killed you before you knew I was here. You're clearly not dead, so you have no reason to be worried about-easy Sokka you're gonna get yourself hurt doing stupid stuff like that."

Sokka had tried to swing at Syoshi only for Syoshi to catch his wrist, yank the club out of his hand and twist Sokka's arm behind his back. Syoshi released the wrist lock and Sokka stumbled away to get some distance. Everyone else was peeking from the shelter of their tents. Syoshi sighed as he observed the club, "Ya know Sokka, you'd really have a much more useful weapon here if you sharpened one side of this, the extra weight would increase the force behind your swing enough to do some pretty significant damage, and people wouldn't be able to just reach and yank it out of your hand."

Syoshi set the club to the side and made as if to blow on the fire. The fire roared to a comfy two feet high and burned green. Syoshi sighed contentedly and pulled his feet out before turning around to warm his bottom. He danced for a moment on the snow as his now warm feet hit the ice cold ground, "Cold! Cold! Cold! Crap!"

He promptly sat down in the fire and crossed his legs, as the green flames billowed out and formed a ring around him, "Ah…much better." Sokka was staring at him in consternation. Syoshi waved at him, "Could I perhaps bother you for a spare set of boots? I'm afraid mine got soaked awhile back and I had to abandon them." Sokka was reaching for his spear and Syoshi sighed, then his voice took on a hard edge, "Sokka _calm down and trust me_ , I am not here to hurt you or anyone else."

Sokka froze and then sighed as a switch flipped somewhere in his mind, "Yeah, I guess you've got a point. If you wanted to hurt us, you would've retaliated with your bending when I attacked you. I guess you're probably okay. (I guess he's just not gonna kill me)" Syoshi seemed to smile, "Good! I'm glad you're being reasonable about this. Now then, can I please have some boots? I could sit here all day and night, but this ice is going to melt eventually and I really don't want to step on that ice with nothing but my bandages again."

Sokka sighed, "Katara, do we have any boots? He's clearly not going away, we should try to keep him happy. (I can't beat him and he won't kill me, you're gonna have to seduce him)" Katara stepped out of their tent a moment later with a pair of boots. She handed them fearfully to Sokka who turned and held them out to Syoshi. Syoshi accepted them and pulled them on before stepping out of the fire with a happy sigh as his feet didn't make contact with the ice, "Thank you Sokka and Katara."

"So, why are you here again? (Are you sure you don't want to kill me now?)" Sokka asked. "You had a fire and it's cold out there," Syoshi replied, "I had heard a rumor about a spirit portal near the south pole somewhere, thought I'd go check it out. Then I got down here and found out how cold it is. Just as I was deciding I really didn't need to see the spirit world that much and was turning around to go home, my boat crashed into the ice."

Sokka raised an eyebrow, "Spirit portal huh? (Not buyin' it)" Syoshi nodded, "Yeah, figured that if the Avatar were still alive he might be hiding in the Spirit World. Imagine my surprise when I walked in here and found him to still be a little kid!" Sokka and Katara looked at him in confusion, "Huh?" Syoshi pointed to Aang who was trying to sneak away quietly thinking, _Oh crap, he knows about that. Goodbye sexy woman who now knows that I'm supposed to be responsible. I'm sorry, I just can't stick around with you knowing that._

Sokka and Katara looked at Aang who froze as he felt their gaze upon him, "Aang?" Katara had to fight her grin, _Best. Minion. EVER._

Syoshi nodded, "Have either of _you_ seen an air bender in the last century? Nobody else has, and if there's an air bender temple down here that's not a boneyard, I want to know where it is so I can go pester them to find out what happened to the Avatar if that's not him. Those tattoos the kid's got mean he's a master of air bending, either he's a prodigy of the bending arts, or he's the Avatar. Judging by that giant light beam a few hours ago, my guess is Avatar. So what exactly did he do that made that happen?"

Aang was looking at them in confusion, "Giant light beam?" "We found him and his giant fluffy snot monster frozen in a giant iceberg," Sokka replied, "Katara broke it open and boom. Giant light beam. (Typical supervillain stuff)" Syoshi nodded, "Yep, that's Avatar stuff. Well good, I've finally found what everyone's been looking for over the last century." "Why has everyone been looking for the Avatar for a hundred years?" Aang asked, "Didn't the old one die like twelve years ago?"

Syoshi sighed, "Kid, you were in that ice for a hundred years. Everyone's been looking for you since you disappeared, and because you were in that ice, nobody could find you. On the upside, you're alive now and if you had been at one of the temples back then, you probably wouldn't be, Avatar State or not." Aang looked at him with growing horror, "What?! That's, that's insane!"

Syoshi nodded, "Yep, all that hunting and I get a little kid. The world gets an Avatar again, and the air benders are surprisingly not extinct. Even better you're a boy, so you have a shot at rebuilding. Congrats kid you've got all the excuse in the world to be a womanizer of epic proportions. After you save the world of course." Aang was having terrible trouble comprehending everything Syoshi was saying, "Extinct? Save the world? (Well I'm all for the womanizing thing, but save the world? Seriously?)"

Syoshi sighed, "Yeesh, how do I put this softly? Katara, Sokka, what do you think, should I wait to find a way to break it to him easy or wait until he gets to one of the temples and sees the wreckage?" "Um…" Syoshi nodded, "You're right, I'll tell him now."

Before anyone could stop him, he drew himself up and took a deep breath, "Aang, the entire Air Nomad civilization has been wiped out. The temples were stormed on the day of Sozin's Comet almost a hundred years ago now, and the few air benders that survived the world wide assault were hunted down and mercilessly exterminated by the Fire Lord's army. The Fire Nation has been very busy and conquered about half the Earth Kingdom, driven the Northern Water Tribe to near total isolation in the far north and reduced the Southern tribe to the pitiful state you see around you now. Pretty much everyone you knew back then is probably dead now, and now you've got a trial by fire set up for your life as the Avatar because it's up to you to stop the Fire Nation's conquest of the entire world. Now show me your hero face and inspire some confidence!"

Aang looked like the entire world had just crashed down on his head. Syoshi's voice carried with it some strange finality, an air of truth and un-deniability that made it impossible to not believe him. Aang looked about ready to break down completely. Syoshi was looking at him eagerly and then when no "heroic" face was immediately forthcoming he slumped slightly and sighed, "We've got a _looong_ way to go."

He straightened up and looked at Sokka, "The Fire Navy will probably be here within a day or two to see if any of you know about that beam of light. Aang didn't mean to do it, but it probably alerted every Fire Navy ship within a hundred miles of here that something's up. I recommend evacuating everyone before they arrive. I'll stay here with Aang. Sokka you can stay too, as can Katara. They probably won't be satisfied if there's nobody here but me and Aang. Besides, you two found him, it's probably destiny or some such whatever that you three met. If Katara wants a water bending teacher, I'm going to the North Pole next and Aang's coming with me to learn water bending and get his avatar on if I have to beat him senseless and drag him the whole way."

==Six Hours Later==

The villagers had been quickly evacuated to a safe point a few miles away. Now only Sokka, Katara, Aang and Syoshi were left. They sat around the fire pit, waiting nervously. Sokka was particularly nervous, and his war paint wasn't doing anything to hide it. Syoshi wasn't nervous, or if he was he didn't show it. Finally Katara got up the nerve to ask, "So, if you're a bender, can you teach me water bending? (Wanna try out to be my minion?)" Syoshi shook his head, "Doubtful. I'm a _fire_ bender, not a water bender. The four bending styles are all different, and there are different things that go into each of them. Aang and I can help you experiment, but that's probably the most we can do."

Katara nodded. Aang looked at Syoshi, "Can you show us some of your bending? (Please be tougher than me, I'm gonna need somebody to save my ass)" Syoshi looked at him and then sighed, "Yeah. It'll bring them down on us sooner, but might as well get this over with." Before anyone could stop him, he stood up and bent a building sized plume of his weird green fire into the air.

==One Hour Later==

The ice started to rumble as the sound of the ship crashing through it up to the wall echoed through the silent winter landscape. Syoshi remained sitting as the ship's prow crashed through the village wall. He didn't even flinch when the massive spike on the front was lowered and revealed to be a ramp. He finally rose to his feet when seven soldiers marched down the ramp, but he only did so to restrain Sokka who was about to charge them, "Easy there Sokka, don't rush into things recklessly."

The leader of the fire benders walked up to within ten feet of them before stopping, "Where are you hiding…" he stopped as he saw Aang's tattoos and gaped, " _You're him?! You're the Avatar?!_ " Aang planted his staff on the ground firmly _Maybe I can at least use this Avatar thing to get me some hero worship and fan girls_ , "I am."

"So who are you?" Syoshi asked. The leader of the fire benders blinked in surprise and drew himself up proudly, "I am Prince Zuko of the…" "GET OUT!" Syoshi exclaimed, "Is that really you Zuko?! What are you doing way down here?! I thought you'd be snuggled up to Mai on a beach somewhere by this point in your life! And what the hell happened to your eye?!"

Everyone stared at him in shock then he visibly flinched, "WAIT! Those rumors about you being banished are true?! I thought that was just fishwives and bullshit! How did…? Why did…?! _What?!_ " Syoshi was visibly exasperated and horrified by whatever he had just realized to be true. Zuko looked at him in consternation, "Do I…know you?"

Syoshi sighed, "Yeah, but it's been about ten years. Guys this is Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation, son of the current Fire Lord. He's an old friend, but clearly we've been very out of touch over the last ten years and I've missed a lot." He sighed, "Yeesh. So you're probably here to drag Aang back to the capitol where your old man can roast him eh?" Zuko thought about that for a moment, "Yeah, that pretty much covers it."

Syoshi nodded, "Well, can't let you do that. We'll take a ride north on your ship if you don't mind carrying us since we're headed that way anyway, but we're not just handing over the Avatar to the Fire Nation." Zuko's face twisted into an angry frown, "Then I'll just have to **take** him."

Syoshi laughed, "Yeah. Good luck with that." He raised a hand with his fingers poised to snap, "Now all of you, _SLEEP._ " He snapped his fingers and suddenly Zuko and his half dozen guards collapsed. Aang, Sokka and Katara immediately felt drowsy and Syoshi laughed, "Never underestimate a Mind Bender my friends, we pack a whole lot of tricks up our sleeves. Actually, forget I told you that and forget what you just saw, I knocked them out with my bare hands." Aang, Sokka and Katara immediately forgot what they had just seen and new memories of him demolishing Zuko and his guards with his bare hands formed in their minds.

Syoshi nodded, "Now get on the bison, I'll be along in a few minutes." They immediately ran to comply and didn't pay any mind to Syoshi crouching and laying his hands on either side of Zuko's head. A few minutes later he was done, and as Appa was lifting off he snapped his fingers again. Zuko and his guards jerked awake and were just in time to see Appa fly away. They tried to fire bend at Appa, but Syoshi batted the flames aside and sent them crashing into the water. Zuko growled, "Come on! We have to catch up to them!"

==Twenty Minutes Later==

"Are they still back there?" Syoshi asked as he looked over the back of Appa's saddle. "Yeah, how're we gonna lose them?! (I've got a chance to go out into the world and get laid, I don't want to die anymore!)" Sokka replied.

Syoshi leaned up to the front, "Hey Aang, run us between two nice close ice bergs, I'll slow em down." Aang looked around desperately and then he spotted two wide glaciers with a chasm through the middle, "There!"

Appa banked towards it and a few minutes later they were zooming through the chasm. Syoshi rose into a crouch and then all the way to his feet as Zuko's ship entered the chasm behind them, "Sorry Zuko, you lose." He drew in a deep breath as he prepared for a strike and then he roared and thrust with both hands. As big as the green fireball he had made an hour and a half earlier had been, this one was far larger.

The flames crashed into either side of the chasm and brought it crashing down, sealing the pass behind them. Syoshi sat back down, "That should hold em for a while, and Zuko will be too desperate about chasing us and catching up to even think of going back to your village." He made himself comfortable, "So, where are we headed? Clearly north, but should we stop anywhere or make a beeline for the north pole?"

"The Southern Air Temple," Aang said over his shoulder, "I have to see it for myself." "You sure you're ready for that kid?" Syoshi asked, "I've been up there. The place is a boneyard." Aang flinched but he was resolute, "There's someone I need to meet." Katara and Sokka swapped glances with Syoshi. Syoshi shook his head and they left it alone.


	2. T-t-t-that's All Folks!

Hi everybody, sorry about this, but it's high time I make some cuts to my roster. This one's been sitting waiting for a second chapter for a year and a half now, and I apologize for not deciding to make it a one shot sooner.

Yes, it is unfortunately as of now a one shot. I did not intend for it to be, but the method I use to make this as perfect and side splittingly funny as it is takes hours and hours on end of rewatching every scene of the episode I intend to parody in order to get every line and expression right so I can parody them. With so few readers and my interest having honestly long since dried up, I'm afraid I just can't justify even kidding myself that the rest of this will ever get finished.

You can PM me if you like and I'll tell you how the rest of it was supposed to go, but in case I ever decide to come back and write the rest of this, I don't want to go ahead and post the spoilers on what the rest of it would've been.

So this is not a definite permanent discontinuation, but at the very least a hiatus. I may finish this one day, but for now, I just can't see it happening any time within the next few months and more likely years.

Once again, to the fans of this parody of mine, I give my sincerest apologies and hope that you at least got a good chuckle out of it.

Until next time, Ghost out.


End file.
